MY DECLARATION OF SELF-ESTEEM (From the book Chicken Soup for the Soul)

The following was written in an answer to a 15 year old girl's question "How can i prepare myself for a fulfilling life?"

I am me.

In all the world there is no one exactly like me. There are some people who have some parts like me but no one ends up exactly like me. Therefore everything that comes put of me is authentically mine because i alone choose it.

I own everything about me - my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all my thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the images they behold; my feelings, whatever they might be - anger, joy, frustration, love, joy, disappointment, excitement; my mouth, and all the words that come out of it - polite, sweet and rough, correct or incorrect; my voice, loud and soft; all my actions whether they be to others or myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.

I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because i own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that i do not know. But as long as i am loving to myself, i can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and the ways to find out more about me.

However i look and sound, whatever i say or do, and whatever i think or feel at a given moment in time is me. This is authentic and represents where I am at the moment in time.

When i review later how i looked and sounded, what i said and did, and how i thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting. I can discard that which is unfitting and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which i discarded.

I can see, feel, hear, say and do.I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and I am okay. 

VERGINIA  SATIR 

A Selfish Emotion

patriotism; was just thinking that what kind of emotion is that? loving your country so much that you can kill anyone for it. yeah surely it IS an extreme side of it... but suppose if it is an indian soldier... a (so called) enemy... u wont take it wrong. you will be proud of it. selfish! is not it?? very selfish! fighting for a piece of land... in the name of love... i am not saying that patriots a fake but they truly are in this much love with their country. This made me to ponder upon that what the true love is? selfish? or selfless? firstly what is self? to me self is your happiness... whatever makes u happy or may be pleased... is your self! not to mean it in a saintly manner but generally... i guess its the happiness that belongs to a common man like u and me. To make it easy to understand i will like to give an example here, like when u love someone "truly" (to say) u get hurt when he gets hurt... you are happy when he is happy blah blah. my dear if u think this is selflessness then to me you are wrong!! because at the end its you whom u care about! YOU get hurt when he is hurt that is why you care for his happiness and not for him. this is the reality! do you care for anyone else getting hurt in this world apart from your loved ones?? be truthful to yourself... and u will find answer saying NO. even a mother's love for her child is selfish... i guess its purest form of love we can see on this planet earth. she can do anything for her child... to save him.. ANYTHING! aulad-fitna. so love in this world is a selfish emotion! the more 'true' it is, the more selfish it becomes.
As far as i can think its "selfless type"... can only be the LOVE of ALLAH... which HE does to HIS creature. otherwise human is a selfish creature. jab wo Allah se mohabbat karta ha to wo b janat panay ki chah me.

evil spirits can be supressed... but cant be killed.

whatever a man does its a part of him. good and evil, both. he is responsible for all of his actions. if one does something good... we cant take away the credit from him that "he was inspired by someone else" or "it just came to him, he is not like that actually" NO! if he did it... it is very much him. a part of his personality. the same is with the bad deeds. they are in us. as our part... there should be no shame in admitting it. this is in our instinct. the thing to be stressed upon is that what part is dominating over the personality.... as there will be only one at a moment. and our personality will assumed to be build on that... good or evil. and yes the dominating will be the one to which we feed more than the other....
what i believe is that this is the case with every human being.... even with the saints. the bad part lies in them as well.... ready to be fed.... it survives til the very end...even in the tiniest form.but it does! now i understand why mama asked me to make this prayer an integral part of my daily prayers.....
"YA ALLAH... iman ki halat me maut daina" amin.

no. you have not changed me. i am not changed. same old i am. same old. yes you can say that you know me well now. i know myself well now.... this is what i am. and this is not a change. i have always been like this. this is nothing new. but u did not know that before i guess. may be u don't know it now even.u think i have changed, u think u have changed me. that may be true in a sense but not in the one i am talking about.... well, you may not know it now even but at-least i do. i know myself now. complicated?? no i am not! hah! i found the explanation very simple when i realized it.i had also been in the confusion for a time period that i have lost myself but thats not true. the thing i have lost was not me. and what i was... i have not lost it. once i had explained to you that....the difference... the change... the actual realization. the confession. sigh. but you wont remember that... you wont. because u were sleeping.

And I Have Realized

It happens at times. That when some drastic change comes to your life...it completely encapsulates you from all sides. Like as if you are whirling within a hurricane. Spin and spin, round and round blurring all the other things that may have been really important to you.Here it does not matter whether the change is good or bad. The effect in concern can be in any case.You get away for a while, may be from yourself. It can even fade your identity away. But you just get lost in the new thing coming to you.
It happened to me. Yes i love changes. And it came to me. A good one of course.I was happy, very happy. All day and night i kept thinking of that new change. I will have to accept that i am not that good a manager. I did not mess the things up exactly but i excluded all the other things from my life. Even myself.
But trust me! that was not the demand of change...not at all. It just happened. Without the realization. But i have realized it now. The grace of the beautiful change that came to me will fade away if i did not gave it a place in my same old life. It does have a very very special space indeed. I cannot disgrace its pure essence by just floating away with it.I cant. And i wont. As i have realized.I cant ruin its beauty. The beauty of LOVE! I will absorb it in every part of my personality rather letting it encapsulate over ME! the ME to which it came... on the first hand. I will be ME... the real me. Which has gotten lost in this huge change. I will love ME! To whom he loves so much. I wont let his love get lost this easily... I just cant.

THE MESS vs THE BELIEF

red yellow white green purple blue orange and.... black, the shades of my thoughts. merge merge mixer blending. blank at times. and at times so any colors that no one is defined....they come and go leaving me more lazy more slow. i want to run. i want to cry. i want to fly. far far away, there is a land. where lives my wishes.... my wants. some are pure. some impure. but all are mine. they were born in me. i flourished them. and now they haunt me at times. they ask me for their fulfillment. bigger and bigger they are getting day by day. i still love them. i still let them grow, with the water of hope, with the sunlight of belief.
i had asked HIM for every decision i made for every step that i had taken.... almost. did i take it wrong?? all the signals? all the hints?? still i dont regret. He gave me the permission. to love. to wish. i did. then why do they haunt me????
ask them to go away! far away in that land of dreams!! reality is cruel! very cruel! its not their world!!! ask them to stay away if they want to live.... never wish to turn real.. never wish.
but if they never wish?? would they live?? no. i ll not stop wishing!!! you!! you! and you! nobody of u can stop me from dreaming! from believing! from loving!
you warn me from the future.... you warn me what ie my will is not HIS will... i say... i have belief!! you can kill me but not my belief! your warnings cant scare me....
i will wait!! with my belief! i will love with the belief!

reminder

people around
making up your world
the very own of urs
each and everyone
of some special importance
no one can take the place of other
round and round
circles around
a different u in each one
a friend a daughter a sister or no one
just u at times
a small world of urs
so dear to u
among the billions around
they love u
this is the very unit of the system
but what i wonder is
that how these small little lovely worlds
give rise to a cruel big world??

and it leads me to a simple answer...
as the circle widens...
the every unit moves away from the center
and that i find the actual reason....
WE ARE MOVING AWAY FROM THE CENTER
so the chances of getting lost in space are severe....
remind yourself of who u are
keep urself attached to the center
hold the STRING so that It may guide u to the right path....
hold it firmly!!
no one but HE can stop u from getting astray...