And I Have Realized

It happens at times. That when some drastic change comes to your life...it completely encapsulates you from all sides. Like as if you are whirling within a hurricane. Spin and spin, round and round blurring all the other things that may have been really important to you.Here it does not matter whether the change is good or bad. The effect in concern can be in any case.You get away for a while, may be from yourself. It can even fade your identity away. But you just get lost in the new thing coming to you.
It happened to me. Yes i love changes. And it came to me. A good one of course.I was happy, very happy. All day and night i kept thinking of that new change. I will have to accept that i am not that good a manager. I did not mess the things up exactly but i excluded all the other things from my life. Even myself.
But trust me! that was not the demand of change...not at all. It just happened. Without the realization. But i have realized it now. The grace of the beautiful change that came to me will fade away if i did not gave it a place in my same old life. It does have a very very special space indeed. I cannot disgrace its pure essence by just floating away with it.I cant. And i wont. As i have realized.I cant ruin its beauty. The beauty of LOVE! I will absorb it in every part of my personality rather letting it encapsulate over ME! the ME to which it came... on the first hand. I will be ME... the real me. Which has gotten lost in this huge change. I will love ME! To whom he loves so much. I wont let his love get lost this easily... I just cant.

THE MESS vs THE BELIEF

red yellow white green purple blue orange and.... black, the shades of my thoughts. merge merge mixer blending. blank at times. and at times so any colors that no one is defined....they come and go leaving me more lazy more slow. i want to run. i want to cry. i want to fly. far far away, there is a land. where lives my wishes.... my wants. some are pure. some impure. but all are mine. they were born in me. i flourished them. and now they haunt me at times. they ask me for their fulfillment. bigger and bigger they are getting day by day. i still love them. i still let them grow, with the water of hope, with the sunlight of belief.
i had asked HIM for every decision i made for every step that i had taken.... almost. did i take it wrong?? all the signals? all the hints?? still i dont regret. He gave me the permission. to love. to wish. i did. then why do they haunt me????
ask them to go away! far away in that land of dreams!! reality is cruel! very cruel! its not their world!!! ask them to stay away if they want to live.... never wish to turn real.. never wish.
but if they never wish?? would they live?? no. i ll not stop wishing!!! you!! you! and you! nobody of u can stop me from dreaming! from believing! from loving!
you warn me from the future.... you warn me what ie my will is not HIS will... i say... i have belief!! you can kill me but not my belief! your warnings cant scare me....
i will wait!! with my belief! i will love with the belief!